Are you being manipulated?

In life we will inevitably create relationships with others; whether through family ties, friendships or romantic partners. These relationships will have a big impact on your life, it can determine your future and your well-being.

As you have seen the title, you can assume that I am going to talk about manipulation and my experience of it. The purpose of this post is to bring about an awareness of what manipulation is and whether you are being manipulated... or whether you are the manipulator. 

My interest in this issue peaked when I watched a YouTube video on manipulation. The video pointed out,  "10 signs you are being manipulated". After watching the video, it was at that moment that I realised I was being manipulated. I wanted to present this matter to whoever is reading this because I was honestly a little bit worried after watching the video as I had almost experienced all the signs that were mentioned. I will include the link to the video so that you can watch it for yourself.

Honestly, I do not want to go into too much detail about the individual because I am not looking to expose them in a negative way. It is important that we evaluate ourselves and those around us who we consider "close" to us. The same people who you like to surround yourselves with could also be the same people who are hurting you, whether they or you know it yourself.

Ok, so from the first moment I met this person I knew I should have gone with my gut feeling which told me to be careful of this individual. However, I chose to ignore it. Why? Well I told myself to be more open and not too weary of others (I tend to guard myself when I meet someone for the first time), so I tried to loosen up. Do not get me wrong, this person is not evil and I would like to believe that they did not go out of their way to cause trouble but at this point I honestly do not know. 

In the beginning of knowing this individual, everything was cool. At the time even though I had known them for a short period, it felt as though I've known them all my life. This person was cool to be around. So where did it all go wrong? WELL! Without going into too much detail, I started to realise some certain things were wrong in the way the individual behaved and the things I heard they were saying about others and myself. The biggest problem came about when this individual began to lie about anything and everything. This person would lie about the smallest things that did not need to be lied about, which was already a red flag for me. If they could lie about smallest things then they can lie about bigger things also. Normally, if someone lies to me, that's it, the relationship is done full stop. However, I do believe in forgiveness, therefore I overlooked a lot of the lies and tried to not focus on it too much. I have to admit, that after all the lies it was definitely hard for me to believe or trust anything this person told me because that trust had been broken completely.

After all the mess the person caused, everything was forgiven and we moved on. However, it was in this period that the manipulation began. AND IT BEGAN WELL.

Link to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZRXoa8xqw8

My experience

1.Even though this person caused a lot of problems, for some reason they always managed to make me feel like it was my fault for God knows what. Even when they were completely in the wrong, they would flip the script and cause a situation to look as though I still did something wrong. AND I FELL FOR IT LIKE A FISH. 

2.I was not all completely surprised when I was told something that the individual had said behind my back. It was not necessarily something evil or bad but it was definitely confusing, I will just tell you that much. No matter how big this person tried to portray themselves, it was clear that they were afraid of confrontation. This person desired control, so it was hard for them to face their fears because it meant letting go.

3. Manipulators gaslight you. I know I have a good memory so it is quite impossible for this person to create something that did not happen because I would call them out on it. When someone gaslights you they pretend as if they did not say something that hurt you in the past, they twist the truth and change it to something else completely. I would like to say that this person did not go as far into making me question my own sanity thank the Lord, BUT THEY WERE TRYING ME A LOT  THOUGH.

4. Manipulators can take jokes too far to a point where it hurts you. When I would stand up for myself and confront them about certain things they would brush it off and conclude that I was being "too sensitive". Which was very interesting seeing as this person was the most sensitive person I have ever met in my 22 years of living in this world (but that's for another topic).

5. They always play the victim card. I mentioned this a little bit in my first point. They can make you feel like it is your fault. This person would act like they were so hurt by my actions and words as if I was the one who caused damage (I never did). When this person was in the wrong, they truly believed that they had not done anything wrong, They would mask their wrong by claiming that they were just telling "the truth". I found myself apologising once because they could not take responsibility for their mistakes. Moreover, this individual tended to make it look as though other people were problematic when they were the problem all along. I also realised this person was loosing friends a lot but they would make it look as though they were not the reason behind it.

6. At this point in the video, something was mentioned that scared me a little bit because the example they gave actually happened in real life so yeah I was shooketh. However, for this point of the video, I still want to believe that the things they did for me was out of the kindness of their heart and not because they were expecting something in return, but you can never be sure can you. Therefore, I can not really conclude that this individual was only kind to me because they had other motives. However, YOU NEVER KNOW!

7.  Manipulators minimise your problems and make it look like it is nothing compared to theirs. This person was going through a lot but they seemed to glorify it as if they enjoyed having those issues which confused me. When I would express my concerns, they were scoffed at and not taken too seriously. However when this person experienced hardship, I focused on their issues with my chest and genuinely sought to help them.

8. Manipulators act calm just to make it look like your overacting and dramatic.THIS PART THOUGH! I realised that when they did something that they knew was wrong that hurt me, they would dismiss it and refuse to talk about it or talk to me until I had gotten "over it". 

9. Now I could not relate to this point 100% as it included emotional blackmail. For example someone telling you that they would kill themselves if you left or broke up with them. To be honest I did feel sorry for this person a lot. I don't know if that was because of the countless stories they told me about their hardships and health problems but it did cause me to empathise with them a lot which led me into feeling guilty whenever I was upset with them.

10. This is the one that made me say YES! YES!  YUP! I was screaming at my laptop at this point to be honest. I chose not to put my trust in people but I can be sensitive to other people's pain and problems. I kept being told that I was too nice and trusting. I put people's problems before my own and this was something that I did for this individual too and I think they took great advantage of that fantastically. Manipulators may seem like they care about you when they give you attention, but later they just use you for their own benefits.

After all this, I would like to believe that this person is not aware that they behave in a manipulative manner. Just because I experienced this it does not mean I hate this person. I still pray for them and hope that they will realise before it is too late. However, I will never allow something like that to happen again. I learnt my lesson. No matter the situation or what the person did to you, please don't hate them, pray for them instead.

Thank you,

Love Keziah.

Now do not get me wrong, it is not everyone who shows these signs of manipulation that are aware that they are being manipulative.